


The darkness surrounds

by Luciferschild



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Graphic Depictions of Illness, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 02:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21245819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciferschild/pseuds/Luciferschild
Summary: What a smile can hide is truly amazing





	The darkness surrounds

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware this has potential triggers and take care of yourselves if you think this will harm you please dont read . I love yall you deserve good things okay?

Jay dragged the blade over his skin again and again sighing in relief as the blood pooled.

He was glad as fuck carlos was at science things and mal and evie were doing royal things. He needed this the feelings were **_too much_** everything was loud the whole world was screaming.

He liked auradon_ he did. _<strike>mostofthetime</strike> tourney was great so was doug ben and aziz his friends. He no longer had to steal or be hurt or worry about anything happening to his friends. His life was good good why the hell wasnt he satisfied his father was right he was a worthless piece of garbage and hes surprised everyone hasnt figured it out and left him yet. Why did he still have these feelings?!

He pressed the blade deeper<strike> wanting </strike>no _needing_ thevoicesto be silent. They hurt he was.. sad wasnt the right word it didnt cover this empty feeling clawing at his chest stealing his breath it felt like someone was stabbing him repeatedly. Even that didnt match the ache in his bones hed been stabbed before but this feeling was worse it was a numbness and deep a heartbreak all in one that felt like it would never leave.

He drew out a breath feeling like crying but he couldn't make his eyes cooperate; it's like his body knew he didnt deserve to grieve when he had it so good hed gotten** out. **He was the personification of human trash not deserving any of the great things. Hed done some shitty things on the isle.

He looks down looking at his hips. "shit shit" he hadnt been paying attention gone <strike>too</strike> deeper than intended . He pressed at the cuts with a towel. 

The sight of the blood was fascinating but he had to make it stop cuz no one could find out about this. Hed managed to keep it under wraps throughout their time on isle. Evie mal and Carlos would probably be pissed or worse hurt and he just.. couldn't

He couldn't think about that couldn't deal with it. Maybe that was selfish but he couldn't give this up. It made things less. 

He as already felt like he was drowning alot of the time taking in water faster than he could spit it back out. If anyone say how much of a fraud a fake he really was ** _No just no _** No one would ever want to be around him again. The facts were simple; he wasnt good enough, he could never be good enough but no one could ever see that even if this was fucking auradon. 

He still had to attempt to do this homework that he was so fucking stupid he wasnt getting. He was gonna get trouble for his grades soon. He didnt wanna see the look on coach's face; let another person down. Fuck Ben and aziz were gonna be.. unhappy they were depending on him he digged his nails into his arms trying to ground himself not wanting to start thinking too hard again. He had shit to do. 

He slowly wiped his cuts and puts a bandage on the deep one covering himself in long pants. He makes sure to carefully hide his blade even though he didnt feel nearly ready to let go. A few minutes pass and he hears the knob turning. 

He plasters a smile onto his face as Carlos enters. "How was your club?"

"Great! I'm so happy we can be smart here" Carlos exclaims happily going into a project they were working on. Jay didnt understand all the particulars. "..anyhow you've been up to anything interesting?" Jay tuned back in.

"Uh nah just about to start my homework." Jay tells him.

"Great I'm happy you're trying here Jay!"

Jay thinks to himself _ At least hes happy for now he deserves that. I've fooled him into thinking I'm not gonna disappoint him and ruin everything like always. Just gotta keep that up somehow_

_"_Jay!" Carlos says sounding worried. 

"Sorry was thinking" jay said apologetically _Guess I was thinking longer than I thought_

Carlos smiled at him seeming relieved. "Oh no Jay's thinking " he teased Jay felt a pain in his chest even though he was pretty sure Carlos was joking " its alright let me know if you need me to check it over allright? " 

Jay nodded keeping a smile firmly plastered across his face "course" he said easily never letting his mask falter as much as he wanted to at times not an option. He was Jay; invincible, never weak never showing his vulnerabilities and wasnt gonna let that change tonight. 

"Sleep well carlos" he said softly.

"Thanks dude you too dont stay up too late ok?" Carlos smiled at him never suspecting all that he was holding back he went to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I might might post a continuation of this if enough people are interested


End file.
